WOW – things can get crazy when you try to make them more organized! I have decided this week that I would make a few little changes to bring a little more order to my life, to bring a little more focus, and the minute I try, things seem to get heaped up! For example, I was going to make it a rule (ha!) to never leave dishes on the counter overnight. They would all get washed and put away before I went to bed. So practically the very next night I decide to have a bowl of popcorn after everything is already washed and put away. Well, it gets late and I get tired and I decide that it’s just one bowl, it won’t really matter, and I’ll get it tomorrow. So when I get up the next morning, there it is, the big blue symbol of my shattered resolution to live my life with focus and determination. But not only was it the bowl sitting there on my counter, it was also all our glasses (what’s popcorn without soda?) and the spoon for the extra butter. It multiplied. It heaped up. And instead of starting fresh at the sunny morning of a brand new day, I hunched my shoulders in discouragement and filled the sink with hot water.

So today we start again.

One of my other goals was to make a monthly budget and stay on it. Today was payday, and as I’m writing out the checks to pay the bills, I start to lose my resolve to put something into savings. I see my balance quickening toward zero and my heart starts quickening in my chest. I can’t save that much, I tell myself. I’ll save it next week.  Thank goodness my husband has more resolve than I do.  But I kept thinking of things I had forgotten to include in the budget – sure, the car insurance isn’t due for six months, but if I budget for it now it won’t hurt later.  There’s a birthday this month – there’s no budget for gifts!  So after everything gets paid and all the money is spoken for, I pull out the spreadsheet to erase and refigure.

Time to budget again.

So I am learning that even baby steps toward organization, tiny changes  that should be nearly effortless because they are so minor, even they come with falls, stumbles and possibly even total wipeouts.  Just because I am an adult doesn’t mean I can avoid the bobbles of the learning process.  Don’t get discouraged.  Figure out what happened and fix it.  Then when I fall again, I will need to readjust and do it all over again.  My hope is that with enough persistence I will see victory.  At this point, I would even take a baby sized victory!

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